Marriage and Sex


Well this one ought to get a lot of traffic from Google. The whole topic of marriage and sex, within the context of the church, has been transformed within the last few years. What use to be taboo to talk about has now become necessary. Our oversexed culture has sold a bill of goods to us and our children that says sex is important if not the most important aspect of our lives. Now couples venture into pre-martial sex to see if they are "compatible" before marriage. In others words, if you don't perform well in bed, the marriage is off!

The Bible has a lot to say about sex and marriage. Probably the most famous book on this subject is the Song of Solomon. It serves as a model of God's will for sex and marriage. We read about a couple from courtship to consummation. Here God's example serves as the correct example against a world that promotes the worldly extremes of homosexuality and denial of physical pleasures in order to achieve a high spiritual plain.

The one message that the Bible says over and over again is "Remain faithful to your spouse." When a married couple discovers the beauty of human sexuality within their marriage, there should be no need to seek outside "assistance" to keep their passion alive. Let me explain.

Extramarital affairs - There are some who expound that the occasional extramarital affair is good for a marriage. Some have even gone as far as to promote "open" relationships which allow married partners to have sexual relations with other. Others have even suggested that bringing a third person into the marriage bed is acceptable. The Bible is clear that these are bad ideas. Something else our culture has embraced as acceptable is pornography. While I could write a thousand words here on how I have seen porn destroy marriages and lives, let me say this. Porn is nothing more than a virtual extramarital affair. It will move the motive for sex in marriage from an expression of ones love for the other to a selfish habit that needs to be met.

Do not use sex as a weapon - 1 Cor. 7 makes it clear that a man and a woman are there for each other. That they should only withhold from one another when it is mutually agreed upon. That doesn't mean that when one demands physical relations that the other has to automatically give in. It means that a husband and wife a) don't withhold sex as a means of manipulation or punishment against their spouse and b) each work together to please and love one another.

There are no other "options" for sex. Our culture thinks that sex is acceptable between two people as long as they love each other. The Bible is clear that love isn't a prerequisite for either marriage or sex. The Bible was written during a time when marriages were prearranged. Even if a man and woman fell in love with each other, the man would have go to his father and ask him to arrange the marriage for him. When a marriage was prearranged it was assumed that the couple would eventually fall in love with each other.

The extreme of options that we deal with today are homosexuality and lesbianism. The world we live in today believes that these kind of relationships are normal and acceptable. To the world we live in, they are. However, from the Bible's point of view is hasn't, it isn't and it will never be. There are those who would purpose that we have evolved since the Bible was written and that it's point of view on these issues are not long relevant. Well if I believed in evolution I might buy that - but I don't. the fact is that God prepared His Word for us to be timeless. He knew these days were coming and as such prepared us for what was going to happen. (Rom. 1:18 - 20)

Now before the hate mail starts let me point out what I didn't say. I did not say that I hate homosexuals. In fact I know and have known a number of people who have embraced this lifestyle through out my ministry. They have attended churches that I pastored, even though I knew what I believed and they knew what I was going to preach relevant to this subject. While I don't agree with their lifestyle I am not now nor ever going to reject them because of it.

Don't let sex become your passion. Let your passion be your spouse. Have fun! But don't let your fun overshadow your spouse. Flirt with each other, it will probably embarrass your kids. But would you rather that they learn, "romance" from a porn flick? Let your children learn that your spouse is your passion!

Abuse and Sex - Don't ever place your spouse at risk. Don't do anything that your spouse isn't comfortable with. Don't force yourself on your spouse when they don't want to do it.

Healing - Don't panic if you can't have sex for an extended period of time. Life happens and the security of your marriage is found within your love for each other - not within sexual relations. If time is needed for mental, emotional or even physical healing, don't rush the process. In extreme circumstances where orgasm isn't possible, that doesn't mean that intimacy isn't possible.

Self Control is the word! In a world that is out of control when it comes to it's sexual values and practices we must protect our marriages and families from this onslaught of sexuality.

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