Marriage and Competition


Who in the world said that marriage is a competition? I kid you not, it can be the death of your marriage and relationships if you are not careful. Now I am not saying that having a competitive streak in you is bad. There is a time and place for it. But if you think that you have to compete with your spouse over something, you're missing the point.

I've seen couples compete for their children's love and affection. Compete to see who is wrong and/or right. Compete for control of the family. I've seen them compete for which car they are going to purchase. So what is wrong with a little competition you ask? Some one has to lose! Throwing your spouse under a bus and then dancing a little jig over their dead carcass in celebration (metaphorically speaking) doesn't do a whole lot for the marriage. So what is going to happen.

If one of you is competitive and the other isn't. A couple of things can happen here. Either the non-competitive spouse gets a competitive streak (which is usually mean) or they will only take so much and then one day - KA BOOM! Someone is usually standing around looking like Wile E. Coyote after the dynamite goes off in his hands wondering what just happened.

If both of you are competitive. Again a couple of things can happen here. The most frequent loser will just concede defeat and walk away. The winner does a little jig again and then it dawns on them that they are now alone. No one to beat. Or things turning into the War of the Roses. If you didn't see the film, it gets pretty destructive. Someone's going to jail or at best going to be yelled at by a cop or judge.

What are you suppose to be doing? You are suppose to be using that competitive streak on behalf of your marriage and family. It isn't about "me" winning. It's about "us" winning. Now before you go starting a war with the neighbors read on. What can you do to make sure that the faith of your spouse and that of your children is well grounded and growing in Christ? What can you do to ensure that your spouse feels secure in their relationship with you? What can you do to make sure that your marriage wins as a marriage everyday? Being competitive isn't all bad, as long as it isn't all selfish.

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