Being a Mom

I don't have a clue how to be a mom.  All I know is what I have seen and experienced for myself.

The personal sacrifices.

The passion.

The love.

The determination.

The hope.

We live in a day when these great qualities are slowly fading from the culture of the family.  Selfishness, apathy and what I call, a losers attitude, are becoming a more predominate part of our family culture today.  The result of which is ruining our children.  Children, whether we want to admit it or not, are nothing more than little versions of ourselves.  I consider moms, and dads too, the guardians of our future.  We shape the future in our own image.

I am grateful for a mom who stuck by her guns and set a standard that expected more from me, even in the face of criticism and rejection.

I am grateful to Betty, who sets a standard for Anneka that is shaping her spirit and future to be solid and sure.

Motherhood isn't easy. (No Duh!) But these women sure make it look that way.  I can tell you from personal experience.  Without the sacrifice, the passion, the love, the determination and the hope - I wouldn't be here today writing this nor would Anneka have a hope in the world to become a great woman of God.

Motherhood makes ALL the difference.

29 years ago . . .

It was on this day 29 years ago that I married my bride and love of my life Betty Engstrom.  Some day I'll have to tell you about it.

But I want to back up to 1981.  It was late August and all the freshman at Central Bible College were lining up to get their class assignments for their new year.  There on the steps of the library we impatiently waited for our number to be called.  Once you entered through those doors you embraced God's call on your life and started a process of discovery about your future with Him.  Well, that's the way it was suppose to work.  Except for me, I apparently had to take care of some business.

Behind me I could her a young woman and her mother going at it toe to toe.  What classes was she going to take?  What her schedule was going to be?  Blah, Blah, Blah.  Then I finally had it.  When mom said, "I think that you should take greek."  I lost it.  I turned around and said, "Are you crazy?  That's a junior, senior class.  That will eat her alive and she will quit school before in her first week." The mother was shocked and the young woman was in love - with me.

Now fast forward three years later and that same mom still doesn't like me, but the young woman is saying "I DO"!

You never know what God is going to do or when He is going to do it.   Just remember, God knows what He is doing.

Has it been a bed a roses for us?  Sure has!  But nobody told us that we should have dethorned them first!  OUCH!  No it hasn't been perfect.  But marriage has never been nor will it ever be perfect.  It will be marriage though - and it is one of the greatest rewards that God will honor you with in your lifetime.

God Bless and Happy Anniversary my love!!

The Art of Frustration

I remember a chapel speaker from Central Bible College who said, "Frustration is eventually productive."  His point being, if your working on it - you'll be frustrated.  Keep working.

Yesterday my wife showed me someones facebook repost from John Hagee that said,  No matter what you're facing, keep pressing forward. Soon you will look back and say with confidence, "That's why God put me there."

Now with that said, I can declare that these statements are true.  But here is another truth that I have recently learned to embrace.  I will always be frustrated.  Not because I'm never finished, but because I'm never finished.  Confused?  Don't be.  I'm always celebrating victories that are the result of vision becoming reality.  But there is always another step in the vision, another goal to be achieved.  If you are doing it right, there is always something out there to reach for - OR - another thing to frustrate you.  

As I get older I discover that my desire to achieve what God has in store for me, my family, or the church I pastor is ever more pressing.  The reason for this is simple.  The older I get, the more God expects of me.  You can't tell me that all these years of education and experience are suppose to dwindle away with time.  They are even more valuable now than ever before.  How do I know this?

Because frustration is my friend now, not my enemy.  I use to think that frustration was telling me that I was a failure.  Now I understand that it's telling me to be patient.  You're on the right track.  You need to make some course corrections.  You're going to make it.  Don't give up.  Don't quit.  

Oh, I have to admit that it is a love, hate relationship.  But that is the art of frustration.  Don't hate it - let it talk to you.  You might not like what is has to say, but if you listen close enough you discover this one simple truth.  Frustration doesn't want you to fail - it wants you to succeed.  

So You've Messed Up Since Last Sunday.

Last week you said a prayer, made a commitment and took action to change your life.  Since then, you blew it.  You fell back to your old ways.  You've sinned - AGAIN!  Well, let's review a few things that I think will help you.

THIS IS A PROCESS - not an event.  In our popcorn, microwave, internet speed world.  We assume that what is going to happen to us, is going to happen quickly.  Nope!   Never has and never will.  This is going to take some time.

THE GOAL ISN'T PERFECTION!  God knows that you are going to be making some mistakes along the way.  The point is to allow Him into your life so that A) He can start healing your life now and B) He can start changing your life so you don't have to live in the shadow of your mistakes from now on.

GOD DOESN'T OWN A TRASHCAN  He hasn't nor will He ever throw you away.  All that stuff you are hearing in your head isn't from God.

LET GOD HAVE A "FAIR" CHANCE.  Some people tell God how to do His job.  That isn't fair.  We all know that.  You have to let God have a fair opportunity to speak into your life and do something that will change your future.  A church service or two isn't enough.  There is more!!

TALK TO SOMEONE WHO HAS "BEEN THERE AND DONE THAT".  Where are they you ask?  They are at church!  The people who know about what you are going through stand ready to help you now!  All you have to do is give them permission to be a part of your life.

DON'T GIVE UP!  Quitting is exactly what Satan whats you to do.  Quitting robs you of your hope and future.

So what are you going to do now?    Go to church tomorrow.  If you never have been to church two times in a row - don't panic.  The roof will not cave in.

Why Should I Go To Church?

Let's be honest here - Getting up and going to church on Sunday (or whatever day your church has service) can be a pain.  It is a lot of work!  I know, I've been doing it for 30 years.  Getting kids ready - getting yourself ready - it takes a lot of energy and focus.  It's just easier to stay home.  Why?

It is a matter of priorities.  Ask yourself why you go to work?  Why do you take the kids to school?  Why do you go to the store and buy groceries?  These are important to you because you get something out of it.  Money, and education and well fed!  Stop doing one of these things and see what happens.  In a few weeks you will be sitting in the dark - your kids will have to repeat a grade and you're going to get very, very hungry.  We are motivated to keep these (and other things) high on our list of priorities.

So where is God on that list?  Somewhere between going to work and washing the car?  I've had people tell me they had to do those things instead of coming to church.  The work one I can understand, the washing the car though left me shaking my head in bewilderment.

Let's understand something about ourselves that I think will help you get to church this Sunday.   We place high priority on those things that benefit us the most.  We go to work to . . .  pay the bills.  We send out kids to school . . .  so hopefully they will move out of the house some day and start a family of their own.  I think you can see the pattern here.  So let's answer a question.

What do you get out of going to church?  
Wisdom - how to live your life everyday.
Joy - to live life everyday in spite of what you might be facing.
Friendships - that are healthy and balanced.  Friendships that are good for you.
Principles - that help you make the right decisions for your future and your family.
Connection - with God that is like nothing else you have ever experienced.
Miracles - to overcome what Satan and this world would like to force on you.
Support - from people who genuinely care about you.
.... and this is the short list.  There is a lot more you can get our of church - if you will go.  But remember!

YOU CANNOT FIND THIS STUFF ANYWHERE ELSE!!

Don't drink the Kool Aid - the world will tell you that that have all of these answers.  THEY'RE LIEING!   They would have you do a lot of stuff only to fail, then tell you that it's your fault - you didn't do it right.  Heard that anywhere before?  Don't give up - just get up Sunday!  Go to church!

Don't Get Upset About the Offering.

If there is one thing that I hear over and over it's about how churches are always asking for money.  So much so, recently, it has become the number one reason why people do not want to attend church.  Well, let me help you out with this.

#1 - Where does the church get it's money?  All churches are NOT equal.  Some denominations pay the churches bill and pastors salary.  Some churches have businesses like day cares or coffee shops that help pay the bills.  Some churches are stand alone businesses - they pay their bills on their own.  Why is this important?  If the church you attend is in the later category, believe me, they are going to place a lot of emphasis on the Sunday offering.

#2 - What is their theology or values about money as it relates to your relationship with Jesus?  2/3rds of the Gospels talk about money.  Tithing and giving was important in the Old Testament and in the New Testament.  Paul talks about fiscal giving and what the church should be focused on.   Does the church help you understand how to bring your finances under submission to God's will?  (Believe me, it's more than just giving in an offering.)  Does the church desire to help you worship God through your finances?

#3 - What are you looking for?  Fiscal integrity.  Does the church have a budget and trustees (sometimes called deacons) who help oversee the financial integrity of the church?  If the church is being honest and open about their fiscal shortfalls, can you really get upset about that?  After all, don't you get upset when you have more month than money?  Does the church invest its finances in what they believe?  Does the budget reflect their core values?  If they believe in missions, do they give to missions?  If they believe in helping the poor, do they give to the poor?  Therefore, don't be surprised if they ask for finances that support what they believe in.

#4 - The economy really stinks.   No surprise?  Good.  Because churches are not immune either.  Over the last few years I have seen dozens of churches close for one reason.  They ran out of money.   When the people in the church can't get paid, they can't give.  It is as simple as that.

Now I've seen my share of people who abuse the privilege of receiving an offering.  So I can understand the apprehension.  If you feel that something is wrong, don't quit - ask questions.  An honest pastor will answer your questions to the best of his or her ability.  So let's conclude with this thought.

The reason why most churches and/or pastors are lousy at receiving an offering is simply because they don't know how to make a good presentation.  Their heart is in the right place, but they don't know how to communicate it well.  I can say from personal experience, it isn't easy.  So the next time someone receives an offering, don't panic.  Pastors know that you're struggling - most are not trying to fleece you - they are doing their best.  Do what you can to help and watch it make a difference.

Going to church? - then go to a small group

If you are considering or just started going to a church recently, see if they have any small groups.  They might call them Connect Groups or Life Groups.  But they are a very important part of the churches ministry and an even more important part of your connection to the church.  Why?

#1 - You're not going to attend a church where you don't know anyone.  But, you're not going to make any deep meaningful friendships by just going to the Sunday AM service.  You can develop new friendships in a small group though.

#2 - You're not going to get everything you need in your spiritual formation by just attending the Sunday AM service.  What is presented there is for the whole community of faith.  But a small group can address specific questions and take the time you need to grow in your relationship with Jesus.

#3 - You'll understand your church better, when you see it in action.  Sure the Sunday AM service is great.  But small groups reveal who and what a church is up close and personal.

Different churches approach how they do small groups differently.  However they do it - find a class and attend for a few weeks.  If you like what you experience, then stay.  If it isn't a good fit - try a different class.  Whatever you do - GO!